Why I Keep Training

photoLet’s face it… I have no natural talent in the martial arts whatsoever. When others surpassed me with ease as they graded and/or double graded, I struggled just to keep training. I failed my first black belt grading in Taekwondo, I came back half a year later to do another grading, and I passed (thankfully I passed black belt gradings that came after that). Then I failed my black belt Aikido grading as well, but at least that was because I was injured during the grading and dislocated my wrist, and after 10 minutes my wrist was swollen to a point where my Senpai and Sensei noticed (and it hurt really badly), and my Sensei had to stop my grading. Again, I came back at a later date and that time I passed. I had many failures in the field of martial arts. I got my butt kicked a lot of times, in sparring and tournaments – imagine trying to explain to my school teacher why I turned up with a bruise on my face (that time I just came back from a tournament, and although I brought home a silver, I still got my butt kicked, it was quite epic). So why oh why did I decide to go back to martial arts last year, after 10 years of absence? Yeah, that baffled me too.

When I was 6 my parents threw me into Taekwondo training… I wasn’t impressed. At that age I didn’t understand why I needed to do all these activities I was doing. I started Balinese dance lesson, piano lesson, and swimming lesson at the age of 4, and the only thing that I actually requested was to learn how to swim (my parents would get me into a swimming class anyway since both my parents are SCUBA divers and I’d tag along on the dive trips a lot). By the age of 8 I added tennis and English language classes to that. The list goes on. By the time I was leaving for NZ (I was 16), I was doing Balinese dance, jazz dance, Aikido, Taekwondo, squash, tennis, English language, guitar, piano, swimming and Chinese brush painting classes everyday after school Mon-Sat (I’m sure I miss something somewhere). I have to say I benefit a lot from all these training, and very glad I did them (and I have my parents to thank for that), but I must also be honest that I didn’ t enjoy some of that – I did it anyway though.

One in particular that sticks with me (aside from SCUBA diving) is martial arts. As I’ve mentioned, when I first started, I hated it. Well, to be fair, I came home with bruises on my legs and those weren’t even from getting hit! Instead they were from running into chairs during training. We had routines where we had to jump over chairs and also do jump kicks over chairs, as a white belt I wasn’t required to do the jump kicks, but I was required to do the jump over chairs, and at the time the chair’s height was too tall for me – it was probably slightly higher than my mid section at the time (I was a short kid), so you can imagine the effort trying to jump over them usually would result in me running into the chair instead. So the Sabum (teacher) let me jump over one of those 15L water bottle instead until I was tall enough or could jump high enough to clear the height of the chairs.

I continued on with training, and eventually I got to sparring, and again, I hated training. No, getting kicked wasn’t really how I’d imagine how I’d spend my evenings. But eventually I learned how not to get kicked, to evade or block those attacks, counter attack, and so I kept going. I was never a fan of sparring though, and instead I love Tae-geuk (form/Kata). I worked hard to keep training because to be completely honest it was never in my blood. It took me weeks of practice (every day) to be able to deliver what was considered a perfect roundhouse kick… good thing I was patient and I had patient teachers.

One of the things that helped me to continue training when I was little was the martial arts movies I constantly watched. I watched a lot of Jet Li, Van Damme, Stephen Seagal and Mark Dacascos movies as I was growing up and was also a little-big-fan of Michael Dudikoff (Luke Skywalker may be my Prince Charming when I was a kid, but Michael Dudikoff was my Knight in Shining Armor. HAHAHA), and I remembered staring wide-eyed at the moves those actors made, and for the first time I genuinely wanted to learn martial arts (yes, I know the interest was a bit misplaced, but give me a break, I was not even 10 years old yet at the time), and my parents wanted me to learn so that I can take care of myself if needed.

So at least I had a genuine interest in it then, and I picked up Aikido later on. I still didn’t like sparring, by the way, and my first tournament fight was a disaster. I ended up limping and had a badly bruised foot for about a week. But the reason I did Aikido was that I realized I’m small, and I don’t have that much strength to drop a person if I need to, and that my defensive skills are limited to kicks. Aikido was a good option for me, and I love Aikido. It feels like dancing and the movements are so graceful and it was almost meditative.

Then I moved to NZ. I continued my training, by this time I was a 3rd dan black belt (finally a full black belt instead of junior once I turned 15) in Taekwondo and a brown belt (1st kyu) in Aikido, and I finally got my 1st dan black belt in Aikido when I went back home for a holiday – all these times I still hated sparring.


Above is my Yudansha card (I call it the Aikido passport). It only has one stamp on it from my Shodan (1st DAN) grading.

Then I came across a Kung Fu club and joined them. It was with them that I did a big chunk of my tournament fighting (I did one with TKD), though it was mainly in open style tournaments. It was interesting to fight other styles. Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed it (despite the fact that I still hated sparring then). I did it all, the Kumite (full contact fights), Ippon (point) fight, Kata (form), and Weapon Kata. I never thought I’d win any medals or trophies, but I did and it was one of the most satisfying moments I’ve ever had. I never changed my mind about fighting/sparring. I still disliked it, but I needed to know if I could do it, even if I got my butt kicked. So I’m happy to know that I could.

IMG_2867 IMG_2875 IMG_2880

The photos above are photos of my 1st Open Championship since I joined the Kung Fu club, and it was the 2nd trophy I’ve ever received (my first one got lost when moving house). I wasn’t allowed to fight yet, so on this tournament I was participating in Kata division.


Medals from tournaments I’ve parcticipated in – a Kyokushin Open Championship and a Taekwondo National Championship.


This one was one of the 2 trophies (both for 2nd place) I received in an open style competition, I think it was a Lower North Island region.

Sadly, I stopped training when I was at Uni due to personal reasons, and unfortunately, I was also drinking and going out every weekend and smoked back then – no I’m not proud of it (and now have been smoke-free for over 5 years) – I toned it down during my final year at Uni. I did train on and off on my own, until I met one of my friends I used to train with. We started training together for a little while, but stopped when work got too busy (I’ve started working at this point). So I didn’t really train for about 10 years until 30 was around the corner and the realization came around and kicked me in the butt hard enough for me to notice.

I was unfit, and was very uncomfortable in my own skin, I was out of shape (I’ve lost definitions and flexibility, and I gained quite a bit of weight), and in result, I wasn’t happy. I realized how much harder it was to keep the shape and the weight off, especially with an appetite like mine. Diet really isn’t for me, I tried Detox once and I just wanted to bash everyone. But I did change what I eat (though I don’t change how often), and I started going to the gym again. To be honest, I hated the gym because I spent so much time in it since a very young age. When I went home for holiday, I’d have to get up at 0430 (AM) to go to the gym with my parents. So I really didn’t consider that to be a holiday or fun thing to do, it felt like a chore. But I’m good at sticking to routines, so I fell back into it pretty easily. In 2 weeks I felt a lot of improvement, I felt much happier and it was the main thing.

photo (1)So, I finally found my way back to martial arts in a different form. I found a local Muay Thai club and tried a class. What do you know? It felt right. I didn’t even bother to try another club or form of martial arts. I was happy there. Great atmosphere, great people, and it gave me a familiar feeling of belonging. I missed that, and was glad to find it again. And sometimes I wished I found them earlier.

It was (still is), however, frustrating to find that I used to be able to do a lot of the kicks and punches gracefully, and my body still remembers how to do so, but lacking the ability to because of the absence from training for that long. In other words, I’m working to re-build that from the ground up.

Somehow no matter how far I’ve strayed from it, I still managed to get back to doing kicks and punches.

I think for something I hated the most when I first started, I did a pretty good job in staying at it. Overtime it became a part of me, and something I actually love. So maybe I’m not good at it, and maybe I’m not naturally talented like many of my friends are, but I know one thing, I’m having fun, and it makes me happy. That is enough for me.

All images are © copyright of the photographer. You may NOT replicate, manipulate, modify, or use these images in any way without permission.


One Response to Why I Keep Training

  1. Pingback: Finding my center | Ditha's Creative Journey

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